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BEST GOLF QUOTES
James Barrett Reston believed that golf was “a plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man’s sins.” Golfers have always had a love-hate relationship with the game. As Jim Bishop remarked: “Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” Every golfer wishes they were better than they actually are, and that is despite so many golfers already believing they are better than they are. But then the whole game is daft for, as Lou Graham has pointed out, “hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.” Here are some other people’s reflections on, advice about, and occasional bitterness towards, the game.
BEST SHOTS
“My favourite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.” — Lord Robertson
George Robertson was elected to the House of Commons in 1978 for the Hamilton constituency in Scotland. He was appointed to the cabinet as Secretary of State for Defence when Tony Blair became Prime Minister, and was Secretary General of NATO from 1999 to 2003. He was made a life peer in 2000 as Baron Robertson of Port Ellen. Port Ellen on the island of Islay is where he was born.
WORK ETHIC
“People don't understand that when I grew up, I was never the most talented. I was never the biggest. I was never the fastest. I certainly was never the strongest. The only thing I had was my work ethic, and that's been what has gotten me this far.” — Tiger Woods
This far was a long way what with 683 weeks in top of the Official World Rankings, including a spell of 281 consecutive weeks between June 2005 and October 2010, the ‘Tiger Slam’ when he held all four Major Championship titles at the same time, and all the rest of it.
NO RULE
“If your adversary is badly bunkered, there is no rule against your standing over him counting his strokes aloud, with increasing gusto as their number mounts up, but it will be a wise precaution to arm yourself with the niblick before doing so, so as to meet him on equal terms.” — Horace Hutchinson
Horace Hutchinson wrote this advice in 1896. A niblick was a golf club of the time which had a heavy head and was typically used when playing out of bunkers.
CHARACTER
“Golf is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.” — P.G. Wodehouse
P.G. Wodehouse was an English author who later took American citizenship. He had several golfing short stories published, including those collected in The Clicking of Cuthbert, published in 1922, and The Heart of A Goof, which came out in 1926.
PRAYER
“The Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. Prayer never works for me on the golf course. That may have something to do with my being a terrible putter.” — Billy Graham
Billy Graham was a Christian evangelist who was one of the most prominent religious leaders of the 20th century. He was a keen golfer who described a golf course “as an island of peace in a world often full of confusion and turmoil”.
FAIR
“Life is not fair, so why should I make a course that is fair.” — Pete Dye
Pete Dye was a top amateur golfer who abandoned a career in insurance in his thirties to become a golf course architect. Working with his wife Alice, he was notorious for designing some of the world’s best but toughest courses and holes. A typical Dye design is intimidating to the eye. As he himself said, he was always “thinking of new ways to try to challenge and thrill golfers on every hole.”
DECISIVE
“Be decisive. A wrong decision is generally less disastrous than indecision." — Bernhard Langer
German Bernhard Langer is one of the most respected figures in European golf. He captained Europe to a 18.5 to 9.5 Ryder Cup victory at Oakland Hills, Michigan, in 2004, the heaviest defeat the USA had suffered in the Ryder Cup. He won the Masters in 1985 and 1993 and, in April 1986, he became the first official Golf World No. 1 when the Official World Golf Rankings were instituted.
GREATEST STAGE
“The Open Championship is golf's greatest stage, where the drama unfolds on nature's terms." — Seve Ballesteros
Golfing magician Seve Ballesteros won The Open three times. The Open is played on a links course, over terrain on which the game originated. Normally beside the sea, links are where the wind plays a huge part, and the naturally rumpled linksland gives good and bad bounces and lies without favour. To many it is golf in its purest form. Sergio Garcia said, "The Open Championship is the tournament that challenges a golfer's creativity like no other."
COUNTING
“Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.” — John Updike
John Updike was an American author, essayist and critic. He twice won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His books include Golf Dreams: Writings on Golf (1996) and In Love with a Wanton: Essays on Golf (2005). But his most famous work is the 1960 novel Rabbit, Run which was the first in a series of novels about Harry ‘Rabbit’ Angstrom.
STRESS
“Keep your sense of humour. There's enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy." — Amy Alcott
Missouri-born Amy Alcott is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame after a career in which she won five Major championships, including the U.S. Women's Open in 1980. In all, she had 32 professional tournament victories which involved 29 official LPGA Tour titles. She had been LPGA Rookie of the Year in 1975.
CADDIES
“Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say: ‘Man we shot 66 today’. But go out and shoot 77 and they say: ‘Heck, he shot 77’.” — Lee Trevino
Lee Trevino and his caddie, Herman Mitchell, were in fact very good friends. Trevino explained that: “Herman always stayed at the same hotel I did. I got a two-bedroom suite, and we’d watch TV and eat and squabble.” Mitchell had said: “He's better to me than I am to myself. I love him like a brother.”
FAIR
“Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game." — Jack Nicklaus
The Golden Bear experienced good and bad luck during a career which brought him a record-setting 18 Major Championship titles, the first of which was in 1962, when he overcame Arnold Palmer in a playoff for the US Open. The last of his Major wins came in 1986 at Augusta National when, aged 46, he won his sixth Masters title by coming from four shots behind after 54 holes to win by a stroke.
PROFANITY
“If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.” — Horace Hutchinson
Horatio ‘Horace’ Hutchinson learnt to play golf at Royal North Devon and was one of the leading English golfers of his era. He won the second and third Amateur Championships to be held, which were in 1886 and 1887, at St Andrews and Royal Liverpool respectively. He was only the second Englishman to be elected Captain of the R&A.
GOLF REFLECTS LIFE
“Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies.” — Bobby Jones
Bobby Jones is considered one of the greatest golfers of all time, and the greatest amateur golfer. Despite retiring from competitive golf when he was 28, he still won the US Open four times, The Open Championship three times, the US Amateur half a dozen times and The Amateur Championship once.
GOOD FOR BAD
“Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” — A.A. Milne
Despite this sentiment, the creator of Winnie The Pooh, Piglet and Eyeore and the other members of the Hundred Acre Wood, did manage to get his handicap down to single figures, which is hardly the definition of a bad golfer in most people’s books. A.A. Milne often golfed three times a week and played at The Addington, Walton Heath and Royal Wimbledon.
POSITION
“Placing the ball in the right position for the next shot is eighty percent of winning golf." — Ben Hogan
Ben Hogan also reckoned that golf is "twenty percent talent and 80 percent management". Hogan struggled with a hook in his early years as a professional. But he conquered this to win his first Major Championship aged 34. He went on to secure a further eight Major titles. In 1953 he won the Masters, the U.S. Open and The Open. He was unable to complete the Grand Slam as the US PGA Championship start date meant he was unable to get back from the Open at Carnoustie in time.
PRIZE MONEY
“You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband's work.” — Lee Trevino
When Trevino topped the PGA Tour money list in 1970 it was by winning $157,037 in prize money out of that season's purse of about $6.75m. The purse for the 2023 season was $421.8m. Caddies take a cut of a players’ winnings and another famous Lee Trevino quote is: “I'm going to make so much money this year, my caddy will make the top twenty money-winners list.”
CUCKOO
"Men capable of governing empires fail to control a small white ball, which presents no difficulties whatever to others with one ounce more brain than a cuckoo clock. I wish to goodness I knew the man who invented this infernal game. I'd strangle him. But I suppose he's been dead for ages. Still, I could go and jump on his grave." — P.G. Wodehouse
Wodehouse, never one to let facts get in the way of a good story when recounting his life, claimed he only ever won one golf trophy: a striped umbrella won at a hotel tournament.
BAD SHOTS
"Every golfer can expect to have four bad shots in a round and when you do, just put them out of your mind. This, of course is hard to do when you've had them and you're not even off the first tee." — Walter Hagen
Walter Hagen transformed the image of the professional golfer with his dashing style and self confidence on and off the course. He was much in demand for exhibition matches, and was the first golfer to earn a million dollars in his career. He said he "never wanted to be a millionaire, just to live like one".
LONELY
“Golf is the loneliest sport. You’re completely alone with every conceivable opportunity to defeat yourself. Golf brings out your assets and liabilities as a person. The longer you play, the more certain you are that a man’s performance is the outward manifestation of who, in his heart, he really thinks he is.” — Hale Irwin
Hale Irwin won the U.S. Opens of 1974, 1979 and 1990. In 1990, aged 45, he became the oldest man to win the U.S. Open. He went on to have 45 wins on the Champions Tour, the last of which was when he was 62.
BIRDIE
"How straight it flew, how long it flew,
It clear'd the rutty track
And soaring, disappeared from view
Beyond the bunker's back -
A glorious, sailing, bounding drive
That made me glad I was alive." — John Betjeman, Seaside Golf
The poem is reputed to be about a birdie Betjeman made on the 13th hole at St Enodoc, a links course on the Cornish coast. Sir John Betjeman, who was Poet Laureate from 1972 until his death in 1984, is buried in the church which is beside the 10th green on the Church Course at St Enodoc.
PUZZLE
“Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 50 years, and I still haven't the slightest idea of how to play." — Gary Player
Well if Gary Player hasn’t worked it out what hope is there for the rest of us? The South African, after all, won 159 times a professional. This included winning the Open Championship three times; the Masters three times; the PGA Championship twice and the U.S. Open. He also won nine Majors on the Seniors Tour.
HEALTH
“How frequently have I, with great difficulty, persuaded patients who were never off my doorstep to take up golf, and how rarely, if ever, have I seen them in my consulting rooms again.” — Dr Alister Mackenzie.
Yorkshireman Dr Alister Mackenzie was a GP and an Army surgeon during the Second Boer War and the First World War. But he decided the best way to aid people health’s would be in providing more golf courses. So he became a golf course architect, with Augusta National his most famous design.
DEFINITION
“Golf is a game whose aim is to get a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” — Sir Winston Churchill
Sir Winston Churchill was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during the Second World War. He was a member of Walton Heath, whose membership included a large number of politicians. Churchill’s favourite hole was the 19th, where he enjoyed socialising and networking and so he often had to be chivvied out to actually play.
IMITATING NATURE
"The chief object of every golf architect or greenkeeper worth his salt is to imitate the beauties of nature so closely as to make his work indistinguishable from nature itself." — Dr Alister MacKenzie
Dr Alister MacKenzie had served in the Second Boer War with the Somerset Regiment as a surgeon, where he had become fascinated by the use of camouflage and how the Boers "made the best use of natural cover and the construction of artificial cover indistinguishable from nature." He carried this principle into his golf course designs.
CONCENTRATION
“A leading difficulty with the average player is that he totally misunderstands what is meant by concentration. He may think he is concentrating hard when he is merely worrying.” — Bobby Jones
Bobby Jones retired from competitive golf after the 1930 season in which he had won the Grand Slam of the Amateur Championship, The Open Championship, U.S. Open and U.S. Amateur. He won the U.S. Open four times and The Open Championship three times. He also won the U.S. Amateur half a dozen times and The Amateur Championship once.
SHADOW
“These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow." — Sam Snead
Quite what Slammin' Sammy Snead would make of today’s putting surfaces which, through advances in agronomy, have become even slicker is anyone’s guess. Snead had a long career at the top of the game and was the first player to win in six different decades (1930s to 1980s). Altogether he won 142 tournaments in his professional career and won seven Major Championships between 1942 and 1954.
CONTRADICTORY
“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” — Arnold Palmer
Arnold Palmer was one of the greatest professional golfers, the winner of seven Major Championships, and whose charisma and popularity is credited with changing the image of golf. His devoted fans were known as Arnie’s Army.
MORNING
“It was a morning when all nature shouted 'Fore!' The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, seemed to bring a message of hope and cheer, whispering of chip-shots holed and brassies landing squarely on the meat. The fairway, as yet unscarred by the irons of a hundred dubs, smiled greenly up at the azure sky; and the sun, peeping above the trees, looked like a giant golf-ball perfectly lofted by the mashie of some unseen god and about to drop dead by the pin of the eighteenth.” — P.G. Wodehouse, The Heart of A Goof
OLD FAVOURITES
“I wish I could play my normal game just once.”
“A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.”
“No matter how badly you play golf, it is always possible to get worse.”
“Golf is a game invented by God to punish guys who retire early.”
“They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.”
“Golf is a lot of walking interspersed broken up by periods of anguish and disappointment.”
“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls until they have stopped rolling.”
QUIET
“The least things upset him on the links. That last missed short putt was because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadow.” — P.G. Wodehouse
P.G. Wodehouse wrote many golfing short stories, some of which featured Agnes Flack, whose voice was “like the down express letting off steam at a level crossing.” When she laughs on the sixth green “the distant rumblings of her mirth were plainly heard in the clubhouse locker room, causing two who were afraid of thunderstorms to cancel their match.”
LIGHTNING
“If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.” — Lee Trevino
The wisecracking Mexican golfer was replying to a question as to what he would do the next time he was caught in a thunderstorm. At the Western Open of 1975 Trevino, sheltering from a storm, was hit by a bolt of lightning and knocked out. He was hospitalised and required two back operations as a result of his injuries.
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