Aboubacar Okeke-Diagne finds internet pornography a little disappointing. The problem is the dialogue: “It seems like a lot of pointless small talk.”
Mr. Okeke-Diagne, 23, who lives in Brooklyn, identifies as sapiosexual. Though definitions vary, the term generally describes people for whom sexual attraction is based on intellect, and not necessarily on looks.
For Mr. Okeke-Diagne, being sapiosexual means intellectual conversation is a key part of dating and sex. While some couples might exchange racy photos or texts, he once sent a woman he was seeing a multipage erotic story he had written that included references to the Julian calendar, the decimal system and global climate change. Writing the story was such a turn-on for him that he tried to find similar erotica online — with little success.
In a society where physical beauty often equates to sex appeal, the idea of sapiosexuality has been quietly gaining traction in recent years. In 2014, “sapiosexual” became one of an expanded list of sexual orientations and identities daters could choose on OkCupid, the online dating app. In March, the CineKink NYC film festival featured “Sapiosexual,” a short film about a young woman named Cass whose attraction to her date increases as he discusses the work of E.M. Forster. As she puts it, “Most people get turned on by rock-hard abs, toned muscles or perfect cheekbones. Not me.”