Thursday, April 14, 2016

The rules of writing about sex on the internet

For what it’s worth, my primary sex writing rule is this: all your stories belong to both of you. It applies whether you’re writing a book about your conquests or giggling over your latest one-night stand at the water cooler. Everyone has the right to tell their own stories and unless you consign yourself to a lifetime as a hermit, at some point you will be in one of those stories. That’s not to say you should set up a Facebook page and tag anyone you’ve ever rubbed your bits against: apply that editorial discretion. Just as the right to free speech comes hand in hand with the responsibility not to be an abusive arsehole, so the right to discuss your own sex life comes with a big, neon ‘don’t be a dick’ sign: hence the awkward coffee-chat with Adam and the subsequent self-flagellation as I try to twist my love for him into insignificance.

When I told Mark about the sex blog, he was far more chilled than Adam. Perhaps because it was early days: we hadn’t yet had the kind of sex he’d be nervous to tell his friends about. While he’d have loved the idea of calling me his girlfriend, he knew that’d mean a pretty swift separation without even a goodbye blow job. I was just a girl he liked, who met up with him twice a week or so, then rubbed against him in the hallway of his flat until one or both of us made a come face. We were new, casual and definitely not significant. So, as with so much else in life, laid-back Mark made the sex blog chat simple:

image: Stuart F Taylor

‘I’m going to write about sex on the internet. Can I write about what we do?’

‘Of course. Let’s do it again now, though, just so it’s fresh in your mind.’

Afterwards, when we were sweaty and knackered and definitely not hugging, he sat up with a jolt, lips twitching like he’d just thought of a killer joke:

‘I don’t have to actually read it, do I?’

Beyond text messages and pizza menus, Mark’s not much of a reader. Occasionally he’ll stretch to Reddit, but he prefers the posts with pictures. This isn’t a way to parade my book snob credentials, it’s just a fact: some people prefer pictures to words, and some prefer videos. Or gifs. Why the hell not? A hundred years ago reading was vital to acquire knowledge, but these days you could build an entire house just by watching the right YouTube clips. I only explain it so you understand that reading my blog was, for Mark, a pretty serious commitment. Occasionally he’d swap high-definition porn for thousand-word accounts of our haphazard fucking and give me his feedback via the medium of blow job requests. If a blog was good, he’d point to his crotch, and let me drink in the sight of his prick swelling firmly against the fabric. If it was really good he’d put a firm hand on the back of my neck, unzip his flies and nudge me towards him so we could relive the highlight of whatever he was reading.

If you’re shy about discussing your own sex life, allow me to try and tempt you to open up a bit: your other half’s more likely to confess to their kinky fantasy if you’ve got the ball rolling with yours. In that way, sexy chat breeds more sex which, in turn, causes more sexy chat: like a virtuous circle in which the hand jobs get more vigorous, imaginative and pleasurable as they’re amplified down the chain. Conversely, the less we talk about sex, the less we hear about sex from others. No one wants to swap shagging stories with someone who’s tight-lipped about their own discretions.

image: Kelly Peron

It’s like the teenage game ‘I have never,’ which works as an analogy for almost any sexual discussion. If you’ve never played, then what the hell have you been doing with your life? Grab some friends and a few bottles of the cheapest booze you can find, sit in a circle, and get stuck in. Here’s how to play: horny teenager number one states something that they have never done, and those who have done it take a sip of their drink. It could be anything – bungee jumping, horse riding, getting an ‘A’ in a maths test – but of course it’s never any of those things, because – 15-years-old or not – when it comes to secrets most of us think about fucking. So you start with the simple sex questions:

‘I have never had sex in a tent.’ (Come on, drink up)

‘I have never had a threesome.’ (If you drink here, give a secret smile of nostalgic arousal)

Then you move on to the more niche activities:

‘I have never given head to someone more than ten years older than me.’ (Drink and wink at whoever it is across the circle)

‘I have never had to go to hospital to have something removed from my arse.’ (Shuffle uncomfortably in your seat)

‘I have never masturbated in a train station.’ (Down your drink, please, or I’ll feel like you’re judging me)

image: Stuart F Taylor

It’s an utterly British way to kick off a sex chat, because while we’re often a bit shy about discussing our downstairs activity, we fucking love a good drink, so you realise quickly that if you hide too many of your secrets, you’ll never get good and trollied. So we say things we’ve never done, drink to the things we have, then giggle, point, high five, and cry ‘oh my god you didn’t!’

No one plays the game itself when they’re 30 (we’re too busy with fondue and foccacia), but our sex chat still reflects these gleeful teenage rituals. We want to play, because it’s fun hearing other people’s juicy secrets and you get the excuse to tell people your threesome story without looking like a braggart. So why is it so hard to start that conversation? Because the first person has to set the tone and that’s immensely difficult. Begin with ‘I have never had sex in the shower’ and you might be laughed out of the room – we all did that two years ago and if you haven’t you’re made to feel like a prude. On the other hand, if you tell people you’ve never had an orgasm in a swingers club, you immediately become That Person Who Has Clearly Fucked In A Swingers Club, and you have to hold your breath while people decide whether to congratulate or condemn you. Most of us want to gauge where we fall on the scale from ‘prude’ to ‘pervert’, but those who go first risk the judgment of the next in line. Whether it’s envy, disgust, or naivety about what humans get up to in the bedroom, sexual confessions turn everyone into judgmental tabloid editors.

image: Emmeline Peaches

It’s easy to break this cycle, though: talk more. Moral outrage and envy generally spring from a place of ignorance: ‘I don’t know what that’s like, but I have to have feelings about it, so I am either jealous, angry, or both.’ If we strip that ignorance away, all that’s left is the titillation:

‘Really?’ someone chips in. ‘You’ve had a wank in a train station?’

‘Of course – I paid thirty pence to get into the toilets so I wanted to get my money’s worth.’

Cue everyone grumbling about having to pay for toilets and making a mental note next time they have to fork out just to have a piss. Even if no one has done exactly the same, those in the group who may have worried that their solo activities were weird now feel slightly less alone – everyone’s a winner (except the people who are waiting in line for a wee). Naturally I don’t mean you should wander around your nearest shopping centre with a megaphone. Editorial discretion means not broadcasting your sexploits to people who aren’t interested, or at times when they’re not appropriate. But in conversation with friends, lovers, ex-lovers and people who follow you on Twitter, don’t be scared to talk about your experiences. I promise it’s worth it in the long run: you’ll get more people horny, hear their stories and advice, and best of all we get to drown out the twats who purse their lips and frown when we do what comes naturally. This, really, is the reason I started the blog. Why I bought a URL, mashed together a few pages, and started writing. When I took a deep breath and set the site to ‘live’, it was my first move in a very long game of ‘I have never…’

image: tinrobo

This is an extract from Girl on the Net’s book Girl on the Net: How a bad girl fell in love available now from here. Follow Girl on the Net online here.

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How to Diva According to Grace Jones

Pioneering, domineering and fearless are just a few words that come to mind about Grace Jones. One of the first truly conceptual and visually-driven music artists, Ms. Jones was blurring gender lines and owning the stage in Issey Miyake before Gaga and FKA Twigs were born.
The kind of fierce, outrageous charisma that she radiates cannot be taught or bought. And if you haven’t seen her work a hula-hoop and a pole while belting out ‘Pull Up to the Bumper’, then you haven’t lived.
Here are a few lessons from Jamaica’s avant-garde queen.

On gender

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On being a true original

On sexuality

On identity

On being a solo traveller

On doing what feels right

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Art & Culture | The all-girl art collectives taking over the internet

The absence of women in the art world has been something female creatives have been fighting to change for years. The Guerilla Girls back in ’89 plastered posters all across New York stating that only 5% of the artists in the Metropolitan Museum of Art were women, and today, 26 years later, that number has (outrageously) only raised to 20%. The art world seems to be inherently and shamefully male dominated. Through the power of the Internet uniting female creatives from all corners the world, the all-girl-only-girl-art-girl collective fever has spread. Here’s a selection that you should be on your radar.

Art Baby

Art Baby Gallery is a digital platform utilising the power of the internet to open the door of feminism to anyone. Stating that any kind of ‘girl power’ – whether it be The Spice Girls or feminist literature – is a good thing because Art Baby is forwarding a democratic, accessible form of feminism (the best kind). The collective aims to encourage young females to understand that “your appearance can be important and empowering but there can be just as much significance placed on what you think or do or create”, as well as highlighting the importance of physical art with Art Baby showcasing monthly exhibits.

grlpwr Gang

Founded by Kirsti Hadley of Kirsti International and stylist/ DJ/ model Kylie Griffiths GRLPWR Gang may be brand new (the collective was founded on International Womens’ Day) but it has already recruited a team of fearless, diverse female creatives. Oh and it already has plans for world domination – starting with an outreach trip to LA this month, where the GRLPWR Gang plans to launch a clothing line, establish a Californian GRLPWR Gang outpost and have a damn good time doing it. Comprising members including photographers Millicent Hailes, Charlotte Rutherford and Nadia Lee Cohen, stylist Soki Mak, and Luv Luv Luv Records founder Mairead Nash, 2016 is going to be a big year for the freshest, most ambitious collective on the block.

Art Hoe Collective

“I sometimes get asked: “How come the men in your stories don’t have such strong characters?” And I’m like: “I don’t care.” I just want to find out about all the different lives a woman can live.” This is a quote from Art Hoe writer and contributor Helen Oyeyem; perfectly encapsulating the empowerment felt through the Art Hoe platform. Designed for creatives of colour, and through the mediums of painting, photography, dance, poetry and performance, the collective aims to develop characters which are multidimensional, flaunting the kind of depth and humanity which is missing in the art world today.

World Wide Women Collective

untitled, Anna Pahlavi

Forming a sisterhood of women artists, the World Wide Women Collective unites women from all over the world with a shared vision, effecting a positive change, and empowering one another. The collective states they are not anti-men, they just want women to come together to form something beautiful, and that they do. Featuring work from photographer Hadassi, American artists Amanda Charchian and Shae DeTar, filmmaker and fine artist Maximilla Lukacs, and many more, it allows the audience to see a diverse array of work that always offers a female perspective.

Paige by Kristin Gallegos

The Arduous

from People Are Overrated by Hanna Antonsson

Petra Collins is the woman of the moment – she’s a photographer, she’s walked for Gucci, she’s ranked on the New York times best photography books of last year, and she is the founder of the all women art collective The Arduous.
Collins states her goals for The Arduous and they are as simple as follows; “Art “has the ability to set ideals, philosophical concerns, and cultural conditions” so growing up in a society where images for and of women are actually created by and for men leaves little room for a healthy, unbiased view of the female gender. This destructive culture of a one-sided representation needs to change. I want to offer an alternative to this landscape we live on, one that celebrates women and the power that we hold.” Holla.

Self-portait, Petra Collins

News | Science confirms money can buy you happiness

OK, so life ain’t all about love. As it turns out, money can by you happiness, according to Cambridge University. But it’s not as simple as dollar bills = good times. You actually have to spend the money correctly to get the happiness. And the key is to buy things that reflect your personality. Like pizza.
Researchers worked this out by examining 77,000 bank transactions and splitting them into the “Big Five” personality traits – openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. Eating out at a bar, for example, was considered an extrovert transaction.

The scientists then matched the transactions to the people who made them to see if their personality matched the purchases they made. Naturally, they found that people generally purchased stuff that reflected their personality and that contributed to their personal sense of wellbeing. One of the authors of study, Sandra Matz, explained it like this: “Our findings suggest that spending money on products that help us express who we are as individuals could turn out to be as important to our well-being as finding the right job, the right neighbourhood or even the right friends and partners.”
$$$

Nature, nudity and liberation

Nature, nudity and liberation by Morgan Lugo

Published on 13 April 2016

Which Style of Yoga is Right for You?

Home / Training / Workouts For Women / Yoga

Which Style of Yoga is Right for You?

Not into yoga? It’s possible you just haven’t found the right class.

Jenessa Connor | September 18, 2015

You tried yoga and didn’t like it. That’s fair. Not every form of exercise or wellness practice is right for everyone.

However, there are a lot of reasons weight lifters should work some yoga in their routines. Yoga stretches the hip flexors, hamstrings and the shoulder girdle. It also helps develop core strength and stability and activates the glutes—all important considerations for the regular lifter.
Yoga comes in many forms. There are dozens of types of classes, all of which incorporate different poses and move at varying paces. It is entirely possible that your next yoga class, should you choose to take it, will look nothing like the previous one.
Before you sell your gently used sticky mat on eBay, why not give yoga another shot? September is, after all, National Yoga Month. Tons of studios across the country are offering free community classes and new member specials, so now is the perfect time to experiment and find the yoga style that’s right for you.
To give you a starting point, we put together this simple guide. It contains just a few of the most common yoga styles, all of which we’ve matched to different workout preferences.

If you’re easily bored and like to keep moving, try Vinyasa.

Vinyasa, which is also sometimes referred to as “Vinyasa Flow,” is one of the most popular forms of yoga. If your gym has a yoga class, it’s most likely a Vinyasa class. Vinyasa can vary quite a bit even within its own category, but most classes incorporate flowing sequences of poses that are connected to specific breath patterns. You will likely break a sweat and increase your heart rate in a Vinyasa class, which makes it a good option for people who have found less physical forms of yoga a little boring.

If you like to push yourself physically and are looking for your next challenge, try Bikram.

This form of yoga definitely belongs in the “not for everyone” category. But the yogis who love it really love it and report benefits ranging from weight loss to clearer skin. The 90-minute class is held in a heated room – usually around 105 degrees – and consists of 26 poses or “postures.” Many of the postures are challenging, and instructors will encourage students to push their levels of flexibility, strength and balance. Oh, and you will sweat. A lot.
One thing to note: every class is exactly the same no matter where you go. Bikram Choudhury, the school’s founder, has prescribed a very specific sequence that all instructors are required to follow with no variation. So if you’re looking for a class that mixes things up, Bikram may not be for you.

If you want to improve your focus, posture and alignment, try Iyengar.

Pretty much any form of yoga can help reverse the “keyboard slouch” that so many of us have succumbed to, but Iyengar yoga puts added emphasis on overall body alignment in all of its poses. So if your shoulders roll forward, you have a sway back or you’re guilty of letting your knees extend over your toes when squatting, Iyengar may help you get back on track from a physical perspective. Also, focusing on holding poses for extended periods of time can be a great exercise for mindfulness. You may find that an hour of fine-tuning your body’s alignment is just what you needed to quiet a racing brain.

If you’re mostly interested in relaxing and gentle stretching, try Restorative.

Restorative yoga is a great option for pretty much anyone, but it’s important to come to class with the right expectations. You won’t be powering through sun salutations or practicing challenging arm balances. As its name suggests, Restorative yoga is all about relaxation and recuperation. It’s like a mini-holiday for your body. It’s also perfect for the rest days that fall in between your scheduled workouts.
Restorative classes typically contain fewer poses than a Vinyasa class, for example, and you may spend more time in reclining positions like reclining bound angle pose and savasana. Your instructor may ask you to use yoga props like blocks, blankets and straps. These items will support your body and help you receive the maximum benefit from each pose.
What style of yoga best matches your personality?

Training Workouts For Women Yoga

VANTAG galeria

Thursday, April 14, 2016

The rules of writing about sex on the internet

Art & Culture

Art & Culture / Fashion & Beauty

Claire Barrow is opening her debut exhibition this week

Published on 14 April 2016

Art & Culture

The all-girl art collectives taking over the internet

Published on 13 April 2016

Art & Culture

Read an extract from Howard Marks’ own account of his biggest ever smuggling operation

Published on 11 April 2016

How to Diva According to Grace Jones

Art & Culture | The all-girl art collectives taking over the internet

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Nature, nudity and liberation by Morgan Lugo

Published on 13 April 2016

Which Style of Yoga is Right for You?

Which Style of Yoga is Right for You?

Not into yoga? It’s possible you just haven’t found the right class.

If you’re easily bored and like to keep moving, try Vinyasa.

If you like to push yourself physically and are looking for your next challenge, try Bikram.

If you want to improve your focus, posture and alignment, try Iyengar.

If you’re mostly interested in relaxing and gentle stretching, try Restorative.

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