WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump said on Wednesday that he was planning to destroy the coronavirus by sending an “incredibly mean tweet” in its direction.
Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that he was already in the process of crafting insults about the virus that would obliterate it once and for all.
In a preview of the mean tweet he is devising, Trump said, “The thing about the virus is it’s incredibly small. It’s smaller than Mike Bloomberg. Once I point that out, the coronavirus won’t know what hit it.”
He added that he was also in the process of coming up with an insulting nickname for the virus.
“It’s going to be something about how small it is,” Trump said. “Something like Lil’ Micro Mini Virus. I’m still working on it, but it’s going to be so mean. You won’t believe how mean it’s going to be.”
Trump was dismissive of the scientists who have raised dire concerns about the virus in recent days. “These so-called experts are the same people who said I needed sunglasses to stare at the eclipse,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.