Please NO PARSNIPS

Dear Mr. Lycett

I just finished reading your book about parsnips and would like to vehemently complain about your use and abuse of the former village of MILTON KEYNES for your jokes! The fact that it is located half way between your prestigious hometown (Birmingham) and London should in no way be considered  reasonable cause since "virtue lies in the middle" roughly translating a famous portuguese saying.

It so happens that a friend of mine was offered a job in a tiny place in the outskirts of Milton Keynes. Since he never visited England before he asked for my advice and since his financial situation was in dire straits I used all my background in economics to help/trick him. So I stated how this outstanding new town was named after John Maynard Keynes and Milton Friedman. Not just one but two gurus of my profession.

You must realise that we live in PORTO (Portugal) that has been regularly awarded with the "best european tourist destination" tag. 

Therefore, to avoid a traumatic episode which would result in additional expenses for your heath services, would you consider talking to your publisher and refrain from distributing your book in the northern Buckinghamshire area?

Muito obrigado (much obliged)

Jorge Cardoso

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P.S. » I was going to ask you about the proper pronunciation of your name... would it rhyme with "like it" or "Lizette"  but in one of those coincidences that make life interesting I was zapping through the channels on TV just yesterday evening and came across "Live at the Apollo" on BBC Entertainment. The person on stage had some resemblance to the cover of your book (minus a few parsnips) and I stayed on that channel.

P.S. 2 » Mind you, I've never been to Milton Keynes but on my first trip to England I was stuck for two months in Billingshurst (well, I did go to Horsham... and Crawley).

P.S. 3 » Oops! Sorry, Joe (may I call you Joe, under the circumstances?) it seems that my request will be easy for you to comply. One of your nemesis must have seen this letter posted in my blog and cowardly sent a copy to the local authorities at Milton Keynes. I'm stuttering... but what I mean to say is that... YOUR BOOK HAS JUST BEEN BANNED THERE!

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