How to Dismiss Harassment Like a French Woman
A few weeks ago, Catherine Deneuve wrote an open letter, signed by a hundred other French women, calling the #MeToo campaign a “witch hunt.” Brigitte Bardot also attacked the movement, claiming that actresses who complain of sexual harassment are only looking for publicity. “The vast majority are being hypocritical and ridiculous,” Bardot told the magazine Paris Match.
Would you like to be able to dismiss an epidemic of sexual harassment just like these powerful French women? Here’s how!
Portion Control
French women don’t publicly demonstrate their dismissal of how women have historically been treated by men in power by making one giant hashtag statement. They make dozens of small, idiotic statements throughout the day.
Be Multilingual
Unlike Americans, many of whom speak only English, the French woman knows multiple languages. So, while an American might naïvely think that “no means no,” the multilingual French woman knows that nee means no, and neinmeans no, and non means no, but, most important, “no” generally means “Unless you insist—I don’t want to seem like a prude!”
Quality Counts
A French woman would never blame a victim of harassment for wearing a low-cut blouse or a tight skirt. She would blame her for wearing a low-cut blouse that is a poly-cotton blend.
Go Fresh-Faced
The French woman embraces minimalism: minimal makeup, minimal hair product, minimal standards for appropriate behavior by men in power.
Laissez-Faire Parenting
Unlike American helicopter parents, French women are laid-back about raising children. They believe that being a parent, unlike being a male supervisor, should be hands-off.
Not Shaving
French women accept that body hair is a natural part of life, just like a boss unzipping his pants in the office, or the refusal to pronounce consonants at the end of words.
Invest in Statement Pieces
A French woman knows that every wardrobe needs a few high-quality pieces, like a little black dress paired with a 14k. gold rape whistle. Statement jewelry always works, especially when the statement is “Oh, my! You look handsome in that bathrobe!”
Don’t Be Afraid to Indulge
A French woman isn’t afraid to treat herself. Chocolate? Foie gras? Champagne? Yes, please. Do you know what she doesn’t indulge in? Self-reflection about the ways in which her ill-timed op-ed might be adding to the problem. Also: American cheeses!
French Women Really Know What It Is to Be Voiceless
(A mime desperately tries to break out of a glass box.)
Escargot
For some reason, celebrated French women keep making tone-deaf statements challenging the existence of harassment and abuse. If we really want to figure out why, doesn’t it feel sort of irresponsible to not at least look into the whole eating-snails thing?
Oui Means Oui
A French woman is never more at ease than with a silk scarf encircling her neck, a cigarette dangling from her lips, and a baguette tucked under her arm. She has a certain je ne sais quoi, the same kind of feeling that an American woman might have when men finally stop being—how you say—super rapey. ♦
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