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“Holland is not the Netherlands. It is a region in the western Netherlands. Did you not study geography at university?”
“Swimming trunks are not allowed. You must swim in the nude. We do not hide genitals in our culture.”
“You Americans. Your houses are too big. Your beers are too small.”
“The E.U.? Do you mean the Schengen Area? You are confused.”
“However, Holland is the Netherlands when we are talking about sporting events like korfball.”
“Sausages are an always food.”
“Do you play the violin or just the glockenspiel?”
“The Schengen Area? Do you mean the eurozone? You are confused.”
“It is illegal to ride a bicycle here unless you are nude. Do you understand?”
“Dutch people are from the Netherlands, not Dutchland. There is a country of Deutschland but it is many kilometres from here. Are you feeling O.K.?”
“My uncle operates a nude windmill in Luxembourg.”
“Luxembourg is not a duchy. It is a grand duchy. You did not study the duchy at uni?”
“I studied neoclassical horses and heavy-metal guitar at the University of Zurich.”
“You Americans. You have too many trucks. And not enough sausages.”
“How many languages do you know? I speak twelve, not including Romance languages.”
“Liechtenstein is in the Schengen Zone. It has a prince. His name is Hans-Adam II, and he gave me a sword. We are cousins.”
“How many bicycles do you own? I own twelve, not including Romance bicycles.”
“Would you like some chocolate? It was made by a master Swiss chocolatier in a secret chalet. It pairs well with potato stew and twenty cigarettes.”
“In this country, it is frowned upon to speak badly of our princes or our nude windmills.”
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“You know, Liechtenstein. The country between Austria and Switzerland. It has as many people as ten per cent of North Dakota. You didn’t study geography in upper secondary school?”
“Where is your cigarette? Where is your beer? Beer is an always drink.”
“Prince Hans-Adam II follows me on the Phötölikenhaus application. It’s like your Instagram but exclusively for nudes and images of cheese.”
“The eurozone? Do you mean the European Economic Area? You are confused.”
“Dutch is a language. Hollandaise is a sauce. Some Dutch people also speak Frisian. I speak Frisian but I am one-quarter Saxon rather than Dutch. You seem confused.”
“Where are you going? Take the train. My family rides the train from Antwerp to the Shire to pick brambleberries every Midsommar.”
“I studied abroad in America at Middle Tennessee State University under the tutelage of your Albert Gore. He taught the seminar on windmills. He is wunderbar.”
“My house is inside a castle. It does not have air-conditioning because it was built a thousand years ago. If you are hot, you can cool off in the moat.”
“Cheese, beer, nudity—in that order.”
“You Americans. So many guns. So few swords. It is sad.”
“The Netherlands is like your Canada but with better beer and The Hague. Does this help?”
“Why do you ask for ice with the water? You are confused.”
“The E.U. is not the same as the European Union. Wait. Yes, it is. I am confused.”
“We have sausages for every occasion: breakfast sausages, lunch sausages, holiday Koningsdag sausages, and pre-sausage warmup sausages that we eat before the main sausages.”
“In European schools, we know English at age four. In American schools, at what age do you learn French, German, Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese?”
“Do you Americans feel that you got a good deal at the Treaty of Paris? Your country is very new. It has big problems. You look confused. You don’t study your own history in kinderschoolen?”
“I am a strong liberal and a monarchist-progressive. I am in favor of beer, swords, princesses, bicycles, and nude, chocolate windmills.”
“You Americans. Your politicians are very bad. Except for Albert Gore. You should make him your king, or at least a duke.”
“I ride fifteen trains per week. Wheeeee.” ♦
More Humor and Cartoons
I am a Tinder guy holding a fish and I will provide for you.
I thought I would accomplish a lot more today and also by the time I was thirty-five.
Circumstances in which I will not pet your dog.
Fake pandemic introvert vs. real introvert.
Other hygge-like Scandinavian trends to make your sad life seem intentional.
Things you could have done instead of checking your phone.
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