OH SO CLEAR
How to Be a Horrible Writer
13 easy steps anyone can follow
I know you don’t have time for me to beat around the piñata with my pool noodle. You’re in a hurry. You’re itching to turn paragraphs into paychecks. So let’s get right to it. Here’s what you gotta do to type your way to prosperity.
1. Don’t read
You’re a writer. And what do writers do? They write. Readers, meanwhile, are just the suckers who will pay you money. And you’re not a sucker. So don’t read.
2. Focus on what you see others making money with
Does Cormac McCarthy make money? Does J.K. Rowling? Does George R.R. Martin? Does Haruki Murakami? Does Jane Austen, Mark Twain, and William Shakespeare? Well, we don’t know. I’ve never seen them share their stats. They never share stories telling us how much they make. So this can only mean one thing. They don’t make much at all. They are quite obviously so ashamed about how little they make that they just don’t want to talk about it. Even the dead ones don’t have an excuse. Money existed back then. So why didn’t they write about it?!
But do you know who makes money as a writer? Of course you do! It’s those who keep telling you about it. They are your role models. Follow in their…
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